I'm Back!!?!?!!?

And I say that with mixed emotions. I am back in many ways, back in Chicago after a long hiatus in Denver, back writing blogs, and back in a rut. Been back for over a year now and fell right back into the same ol, as if the 4 years in Denver never happened. Back to the same old grind and routine, back to feeling as if I cannot expand my horizons and ideas, feels like I’m surrounded by closed and judging minds, feel like a bug under a microscope, just weird. Feels like I have reverted to my teenage years of dependency, naive ness and irresponsibility. Maybe these are just the things I wanted to leave behind here in Chicago, and I did when I left for Denver. But why did these feelings come back when I moved back? Even more so why did I subconsciously let them lead me astray again? Things are way different now. Different job, married, baby, was it the familiar sites and sounds of my hometown that threw me back? Does living back in Chicago make me feel as if I have to feel this way cuz that's what I associate this place with? Have I fallen into some subconscious role that I am supposed to be acting out? It seems as if everything that I have learned in life that makes me productive and a better person I have forgotten. Why? Because I am home? I love Chicago, but it’s different now. Whether it’s the vibe, the politics, or the same ol same ol. Or maybe I grew and can actually see through the BS. Maybe I just don’t want to deal with all of it and that’s why I didn’t fight falling back into this state of craziness. Come on, I was born and raised in this great city, why don’t I like it anymore? Even better, why does she do this to me?